Mime that Maim

Is it time to freshen up your “kill me now” mime for spring?

Don’t know what a “kill me now” mime is? It’s quite prevalent in workplace environments. You know the drill. Something stressful, frustrating, or downright stupid happens. You and your workmate cronies badmouth the idiot who caused the situation, er, discuss ways to resolve the matter as expediently and efficiently as possible. In the course of the discussion, you, or one of your cronies, roll your eyes, make a face, and instead of saying “kill me now”, you mime it.

Are you a “finger across the throat”? This gesture is quite elegant, easy and doesn’t require complicated hand formations. (Some people are still getting used to their opposable thumbs, thank you very much.) However, this gesture has been used in different contexts. It could mean “Cut! Stop!” Or, it could be used as a short hand gesture for impending trouble. For example, if you are the idiot who caused the “kill me now” avalanche, and are gearing up to meet with your irate boss, a workmate may use the finger across the throat to indicate that you are “in trouble”.

Or perhaps you are a classic “gun to the head”. This is probably the most popular and recognizable. Index and middle finger extended to simulate the barrel of the gun, thumb up to simulate the gun’s hammer. Plus you get the effect of a cocked hammer if you wiggle your thumb. Complex stuff, definitely not for amateurs.

Or are you a “necktie as noose”? This gesture, of course, is limited to the men, though some plucky ladies have put their scarves and bow tie blouses to creative use. You pull your tie up, tilt your head to the side, and, if you are especially adept at multi-tasking, let your tongue loll out. Stunning.

Perhaps you are an “eye jab”? This gesture only requires a closed fist. You are miming the action of grasping a pointy item in your closed fist and jabbing it into your eye. Wonderful. I like this one the best because it lets you change up the implement you use to jab your eye. Today it might be the UniBall soft grip gel pen you swiped from a coworker. Tomorrow, a letter opener. The next time it could be a spork. (Sidebar: Sporks rule. They are versatile, elegant, and cute. I heart sporks.) This gesture is all-inclusive and allows your imagination to run wild.

As in wardrobe, makeup, and hairstyle, it is very important to not fall into a rut in the “kill me now” mime department. I hope you have been inspired to try a different mime at your next smack talk/conflict resolution conference. Be confident, daring, fresh and grisly.