Weekly Irk: Jerks on a Train

Lots of things annoy me. An unreasonable amount of things irk me. In fact, it has gotten to the point that I have suspected it may be a problem with me…but no, it can’t be – it MUST be everyone else. I am far too reasonable and rational for it to be a problem with me. I mean, I have lots of issues, but this ain’t one of ‘em. At least I hope not. Because I really can’t handle having yet another issue. But I digress.

Anyway, this week, the thing that has reached the top of my irk list is jerky, inconsiderate behavior on public transit. Sidenote: Public transit in Hong Kong is bloody awesome. You can get anywhere easily and cheaply in Hong Kong thanks to the excellent network of metro rail, buses, ferries, and taxis. But back to the jerky behavior. This is beyond not offering seats to the needy (i.e. elderly, pregnant, disabled, people with young children.) For the most part, there are still lots of considerate people who will do that, which helps maintain my faith in the goodness of people.

However, the behavior that irked the hell out of me this week is hogging entire vertical hand rails by leaning jerky, inconsiderate arses against them, while several surrounding, short, people are struggling to grasp the higher, hand straps in order to avoid toppling over like cute, short weeble-wobble-like dominoes. It’s like, dude, if you were not leaning against the rail, blithely texting or talking loudly on your phone (which is another jerky thing, but I will leave that to another time and another rant) several people, including some tough little old ladies who look too healthy and scrappy to warrant a seat offer, would be able to comfortably hold onto the rail and steady themselves on the train, instead of risking injury or strain due to trying to grasp a high hand strap on their tippy-toes while the train chugs full-speed ahead. What makes me even madder is that often times, even the high hand straps are unavailable due to crowding, so there are people who are not able to hang onto anything to steady themselves, and the risk of falling over increases greatly, while the one jerky tool is still hogging the entire rail. Makes me want to pull a Samuel L. Jackson (or several Samuel L. Jacksons, depending on the movie) and screech exasperatedly, “I've had it with these mutha-f#@king jerks on this mutha- f#@king train!” Then I’d intimidate the douchey tool with a crazy-eyed, Kill-Bill, Die-Hard, death glare, followed by some Mace Windu, "Get off the rail or else" Jedi mojo, until Mr. Tool relinquishes his selfish arse-hold on the rail. Then I’d move on along the train, with lots of Shaft-esque, "Ya damn right" swagger, because goodness knows I ain’t staying in that spot and touching a handrail in which some jackass’ sweaty arse was just leaning against. Ya damn right.